The Eta Report (Chapter I one of a book I am writing on decision-making)
When we are born, there are an almost infinite number of pathways our lives can take. From our very first breath, every little permutation of a decision or interaction changes the road we are on and direction we are heading. In college, my friends and I invariably discussed things like this late at night over beer and used words like ‘chaos theory’ — the branch of mathematics that deals with complex systems whose behavior is highly sensitive to slight changes in conditions, so that small alterations can give rise to strikingly great differences — because it sounded smart to know words like chaos theory. But in reality this has always been a fascination to me; to think about this everyday multitude of decisions we make and the impact they have on us. And not just on us but on others. Especially those who lives add meaning to ours — because it works in both directions — you change their lives forever.
Some decisions are profound, but most just small and ordinary in the making. Either way, the branches that open and close with every slight decision will always change something about our lives. As a child, I would sneak out of my parents’ condo into the fresh, cool Vermont air, look up at the stars, and ponder things just like this. I didn’t give them a name, such as chaos theory, because I was young and by myself and completely at peace. I hadn’t been knocked down by life yet. That would come, as it does for all of us. This book, in fact, is about getting back up better than before. But at that time I had little worries in the world. I remember a thought I had one such starry night; that before the universe was came into existence there was nothing — but in my child’s mind that nothingness was blackness, and blackness was indeed something. It existed. I didn’t know this at the time but I was thinking about the concept of infinity, ungraspable to a child and still incomprehensible to me as an adult. It’s one of two concepts I still can’t fully comprehend. I’ll talk about the other because you’ve felt it; love for someone or something greater than yourself.
Back to those choices. The pathways from our decisions are not infinite, and thus they unavoidably diminish over time. Every year that goes by there are, as a manner of speaking, fewer options ahead of us. Fewer choices that will lead to a different road to go down. As the years go by, there are fewer and fewer possible paths. Finally, as we approach the very end, right before we go gently into that good night, there's just one final path. We have no more choices.
I am writing about the choices we, you and I, do have left. Because if you are reading this, then you still have many. For most of us, hundreds of millions. In a few places, this book is about the choices I have made: both the successes and the failures. I include these because I hope they, and I, are easy to relate to. I am in many regards as ordinary as it gets. If you started reading this because you think your life could be better, that there are areas where you could improve ands decisions you could make better, you are not alone. Take a look around at the people you know — your family, loved ones, close friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and whoever else whose lives you cross. Close your eyes for a second and scan the horizon of people who come to mind.
Every single one of the people you just thought of is struggling in some area and could almost always use a helping hand. I will say it again: you are not alone. None of us has come close to making perfect choices, and optimistically, all of us can be equipped to do much better. So I will end the introduction with a quote that I hope we can come back to as better people by the end of the book. Because that is the goal.
Be kind. Because everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
Let’s fight this battle together.